It's been forever again. I just got back from my grandparents'. Watching Revenge of the Nerds. I don't know where my life is going anymore. I just got suspended again, almost expelled cause I had alcohol at school. They had no proof, and I didn't have anything on me. I took two different breathalyzer tests, both coming out negative..don't ask how, I was shitfaced. Hayward drank my perfume. So basically, I was fucked, I ended up getting forty-five days. But it goes down to five when I go to rehab. I go back to school on Tuesday. They got Hayden and Alex too. I really like Hayden still. I swear, it's crazy. Seriously, it's like..I guess Jay and I broke up today. He's being an asshole. He's jealous of Hayden cause he's one of my best friends. I DON'T KNOW WHY HE'S JEALOUS OF HIM! But oh well, he threatened to kick the shit out of him, and I'm like, "Jay, don't. Fucking stop, leave him alone." He's like,"No, I fucking hate him." "Why? He never fucking did anything to you!" "I just don't fucking like him!" "Yeah, you're fucking jealous aren't you?!" "Yeah, I'm jealous! Why would I be jealous?! You've been doing something I should be jealous of?!" "Jay, just fucking stop! Leave him alone! I don't want you to even fucking touch him!" "Fine, hey Andrew! Wanna kick someone's ass for me?" "Jay! Just fucking stop!" "What?! If you fucking care about Hayden so much, why don't you fucking go for him?!" "I never fucking said I cared about him! All I said was that he was one of my best friends and I don't want you to fucking hurt him! If you can't fucking understand that then maybe I should! Whatever. Fuck you!" Uh huh. So basically, we're through. We made it about three months. I just can't fucking talk to him anymore. He's fucking changed. I guess that's what drugs do to a person. Whatever. I don't care anymore. I just want to talk to Hayden. I need him. I can't breath without him. He's haunted my dreams for the past few nights. No guy has ever done that. Seriously, I've liked him ever since I saw him walking down the street over a year ago. I miss him so much. I know we're friends. But I don't think he likes me as anything more. I just..I don't know. Him and I are going to go get sushi one of these times. I found this great Japanese restaurant right in South Hill. Oh, and I found an '87 Pontiac Fiero GT for $2795. Great condition, almost any color I want. http://www.vikingautobrokers.com/car_pages/1987_pontiac_fiero_gt.htm Not exactly this one, but that's what kind of car it is. Same color interior w/out the seat covers. Better hubcaps, and tinted windows too. I'll be getting it around September. It's 14 days till Christmas. I hate this time of year. I hate presents. My family always fights. Our trailer starts to leak even more. Everything's wet. It's cold. Time just passes by even faster. Yet slower all at once. I have no good memories of it. Why even celebrate it? I don't know. Christmas to me is laying up in Jordin's room. Eating popcorn, drinking our mix of eggnog and milk. Listening to punk Rock Christmas and Taste of Christmas. While watching SLC punk on mute while we quote the whole thing. Or sitting out in her hot tub in the morning. Drinking orange juice in frozen glasses. Watching it snow through the glass ceiling. Listening to Funky Monkey on low. I swear, Bleed the Dream's No Smiles on Christmas exactly explains my feelings. BLEED THE DREAM LYRICS "No Smiles On Christmas" I can???t remember smiles on Christmas day And even if I smile it wasn???t real anyway What I do recall is laying in the snow And wishing I didn???t have to go home I know this isn???t what you want to hear But I???m not looking forward to Christmas this year So I sleep on it, and dream on it And hope to find the reason on this day That I can breakaway And start over, but I???m not so sure That this one will be different than the last And I can leave all of those winters in the past I can always tell it???s coming by the way Silence winds are growing colder everyday And I could hear the freezing hands of time Slowing down as people pass me by And I know this isn't what they want to hear But I???m not looking forward to Christmas this year So I sleep on it, and dream on it And hope to find the reason on this day That I can breakaway And start over, but I???m not so sure That this one will be different than the last And I can leave all of those winters in the past So I sleep on it, and dream on it And hope to find the reason on this day That I can breakaway And start over, but I???m not so sure That this one will be different than the last And I can leave all of those winters in the past Yeahh..It's actually quite depressing, but still uplifting at the same time. I don't fucking care I guess. Well..Yeahh..that's about it.