TEOTWAWKI I didn’t know he was saying “Leonard Bernstein” until I looked it up. Ralphie! Hey, how’s it going? What do you mean, “Why are you not at work?” What are YOU doing at work? Oh, “your job”. Gee, that’s clever. We’ll see how far clever gets you when your molecules are obliterated into nothing. ...

There's no timer in Shapely; take as long as you need to assemble the colored squares into the required Tetrissy shapes. But... every time you move a square, more pop up. Sometimes you can use this to your advantage. But... sometimes it spells doom, since you lose when the whole grid fills up. But... ...

Intel says that in 10 years you're going to be surfing the web with no hands, which I guess is an improvement from one hand, but I wonder if controlling your web browser with brainwaves is really going to be an improvement. For one thing, do you want your brian inexorably linked to Internet Explorer? ...

You've seen the worst, now what about the best? After forcing you to deal with our horrible theme song posts, we've decided to compile a collection looking at the good side of cartoon music! During our research, we found an easy way to tell the good from the bad (as you'll see after the jump). What's ...

Can you tell your steak restuarants from your meat markets? Steak House or Gay Bar? gives you the name of a real establishment and you have to guess which kind it is. I only scored 36%, which I guess isn't bad for a heterosexual vegetarian. (Thanks, FipiLele!)

MyVu, Right or Wrong Ladies and gentlemen of the committee, distinguished legislators, and terrorist pawns: the bill before you today is, to put it mildly, worse than slavery and nuclear war combined. The American Video Goggle Council of America, whom I represent, is deeply concerned about the intrusion ...

Good things happen at the end of rainbows. Pots of gold and equal rights marriages, mostly. Somewhere, over the rainbow Monkeys fly, Wearing silly little capes That bring tears to my eye Somewhere, over the rainbow Deals come on Woot And the deals that you dare to buy Fill your house with loot Someday ...

And If You Order In the Next 30 Minutes “Yes, ladies and gentlemen, with the Back to Basics Nut Roaster, you can enjoy fresh glazed nuts in just ten minutes!” “Steve? Steve, what are you doing up? It’s 3 AM.” “I’m just showing the folks at home how the incredible Back to Basics Nut Roaster delivers ...

Look It Up If You Don’t Believe Us He was like the perfect storm of electable. President, Texan, World War Two Veteran, and former Five-Star General, the late Dwight D. Eisenhower warned us in 1961 that the military-industrial complex was becoming too massive, and threatened to change our nation’s peaceful ...

Gee, that is an awfully large tub of petroleum jelly. And, might I add, the blue in those latex gloves really brings out the color in your eyes. I’m telling you, I just made a simple mis TAke. I did everything I was supposed to. I took off my shoes, and put all the metal in my pockets in the stupid ...